Ep 83: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: Strategies for Modifying the Parenting Plan

If your parenting plan is not working or there has been a change in yours or your child’s lives to where the parenting plan no longer reflects the actual needed arrangements for the child, what do you do?

If you are coparenting with a narcissist, broaching a change in the parenting plan can feel extremely scary.  You know that it will be a catalyst for increased engagement and conflict.  So, what steps can you follow that will help minimize the conflict and increase the likelihood of a change?

A change in circumstance might be (not an exhaustive list):

• A change in address outside of the parenting plan agreement
• A change in school
• A change in the child’s medical or mental health providers
• A change in the child’s needs that the current parenting plan does not address
• A loss of job that will have an impact on the current parenting plan
• Abuse or Neglect
• Co-parent is not following the orders AND it is causing harm to the child

If you feel like you need to broach a change in the parenting plan, there are some steps that you can take that will protect you and will increase the likelihood that the plan will be modified.

• Send the initial message to “put the concern on your co-parent’s radar”
• Start to accrue data and evidence that the concern is negatively impacting your child and what needs to happen to remedy this
• Send a second email stating that the problem is still present, share some of the data, and then write a clear ask of what needs to be done to remedy the situation.
• Be prepared for your ex to fight back and be an A-hole
• Be prepared for the next possible steps in a worst case scenario

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